"It's, you know, just another table," he said, echoing her words from the party last night. It was totally not just another table though because it was a completely epic table. Much like birthdays were epic.

"But I figured what better gift for the girl that has a giant, metal flamingo than a table that doubles as a club and shield. It was practically one of those Amazon 'people who bought giant, metal flamingos also got this' things."